I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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