Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
