guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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