Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im holly from the hills drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
