I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
