do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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