My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
