Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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