i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
