I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
