WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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