I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
