This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
