Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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