I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
