I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
