tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
