went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
