What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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