his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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