Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
