im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
nut hugger
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Houston, we have a squirter
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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