My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
