there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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