Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
