the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
