so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can I color on your dick again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
