I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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