upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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