I smell stomach acid.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
