I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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