I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
