i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
