she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
