I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
