dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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