saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
