I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
