He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
