Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
