Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
