fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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