i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
