I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
