i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
