What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
