I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
