Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
love makes seman taste better
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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