On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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