Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
