So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
