I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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