someone threw a dead crab at me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
