you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
