I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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