so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
