real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
