3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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