Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my liver is dry heaving
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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