Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
