i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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