Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
