Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
